I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
tell me about the eggs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
