the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
home. puking in laundry basket.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
