We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
