Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
