yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
