of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
