Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
