shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
