I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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