Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
