well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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