she smelled like a LAN party
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
