i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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