my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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