She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
