john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
