I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
