fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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