and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
