you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
