Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
