I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
