yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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