This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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