We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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