i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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