Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
