Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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