there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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