the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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