No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
my liver is dry heaving
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
