May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
