do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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