you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
