i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
