a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
