she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
