Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
