You're so nebulous sometimes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
