Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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