walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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