Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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