So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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