My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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