Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
