okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
