Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
