Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
