Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
