whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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