I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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