foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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