Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
